The birth of our sweet boy Ollie did not quite go as we had originally planned. But as we all know, not many things go according to plan. Before I go in depth here I will say that this is long and very detailed (as many people have requested). I'm sorry if some of this is TMI. I Also want to say that although things did not go the way we wanted we still feel SO blessed to be this boy's parents and to all be here healthy.
Ollie's birth story really starts long before he arrived, when we were told that we would most likely be induced at 37 weeks. I won't go into a ton of detail but to summarize, at 24 weeks we were referred to Maternal Fetal medicine due to Ollie measuring small and having an enlarged right kidney. There was a fear that this was all happening due to a genetic condition. After a few tests we were able to come to the conclusion that there was very little risk for any genetic concerns. We also had some virus serology done to see if any of this was causing him to be small. We got an unexpected positive toxoplasmosis. This was scary because neither my local doctor or the specialist had ever dealt with a positive Toxoplasmosis. In case you don't know, i didn't either, toxoplasmosis is harmless to adults but can negatively impact babies in the womb. They can have some complications with their bowels, calcification on the brain, heart valve issues and even if they are not born with any of these things they can still develop blindness, deafness, and learning difficulties later in their life. So now we had a few options at this point. 1 roll the dice and hope that it is a false positive (they say there is a high chance for this). 2 send off for more testing that would not be covered by insurance and could be anywhere from $300-$2,000 and we wouldn't know how much until after. 3 do an amniocentesis to see if it is detected in the amniotic fluid (I had an anterior placenta and we did not want to take the risk with this). 4 just treat it as if it is true (this medication is very hard to get. It needs to go through the CDC who will then get it from the FDA. The side effects can be pretty hard on the mom, including depletion of folic acid and possible bed rest but do not seem to impact the baby). So we decided to send off for more lab work only to then find out that they couldn't even send off to this specialty lab. At this point we were about 34 weeks along and by the time we could do anything else our baby would be here. So at this point we just prayed that it was a false positive and we would handle whatever was to come. The main concern then was for IUGR (intrauterine growth restriction). It is medically advised that someone with IUGR deliver as soon as the baby is considered full-term (37 weeks).
Even though we were given this tough diagnosis we remained optimistic. Keaton and I had been reading a book to learn how to use The Bradley Method to have an all natural birth (if you are wanting a natural birth I highly recommend this method). It was our dream to give birth with no medications. This is something we became very passionate about. We read the books, watched the videos and practiced the techniques. Our hope was that maybe our little guy would come on his own before the induction. We were told by many that we could refuse the induction. We knew this was something we could do but at the same time our focus was on our baby boy. When a doctor tells you that the chance of fetal demise and still birth increases if you wait, the decision becomes less about what you want and more about keeping your baby safe. The concern was that at some point my body would stop providing our baby with what he needed and then he would no longer be able to survive in the womb. The thought of that was absolutely devastating.
So fast forward to 37 weeks. We had an appointment with our specialist on Wednesday September 2nd. At that appointment our baby boy was still measuring very small. His weight was on the 3rd percentile and his abdominal circumference had fallen to 1.8%. At that appointment the doctor told us delivery at 37 weeks was recommended. We were definitely not prepared to hear that as we were 37 weeks 2 days already at that appointment. On our way home my local doctor called and asked us to come in that night at midnight to start the induction process. The rest of that drive home was tough. Even though we knew this was a possibility, it didn't make that phone call any easier. I cried, I held my belly, and just prayed to god that he would watch over my baby. I knew he wasn't ready. It wasn't his time. If he was ready he would be coming on his own. The rest of that evening was hard. We were told to get some rest, but how could we? We headed in that night not knowing what was going to happen.
When we got to the hospital they got us registered and started the induction process. When I was first checked my cervix was not dilated at all. They started with just inserting P Gel up near the cervix. The goal of this was to ripen the cervix and help it start dilating. I received the first dose at 1am. After 4 hours I still had not dilated at all. I received a second dose at 5 am. The P Gel caused some mild cramping and contractions but nothing consistent. When my doctor came in around 8am I was about 0.5cm dilated and 50% effaced. Things were not progressing as we were hoping. My doctor had some other options but my gut was telling me we needed more time. I asked my doctor if it would be possible to go home and try again at another time. She was surprisingly open to this. I had been monitored all night and baby was doing excellent. The Doppler (showing blood flow through the umbilical cord) done at our specialist appointment showed good blood flow and was reassuring. We left that morning with the plan to come back in Sunday night to retry. I was really happy for speaking up and advocating for me and my baby. The nurse also told me that she felt it was a great decision too. Along with coming back Sunday night, my doctor wanted me to come in Saturday to have a non-stress test and biophysical profile done just to check on the baby. At this appointment everything went great. Ollie was head down, he was moving a lot, and his heart rate was good.
I spent that entire time from that Thursday to Sunday focusing on getting the baby ready. I was still hoping that maybe Ollie would come on his own. Well the time passed and no baby. So we headed in Sunday night at 11:45pm to do this again. We started the induction process again on Monday September 7th. That Labor day turned into the true labor day. This time I was given Cytotec to help prepare my cervix. When they first checked me before inserting the cytotec I was still barely 0.5cm dilated and 50% effaced. They gave me the first dose at 1 am. I experienced some mild cramping again and more contractions than I had with the P Gel. I was checked again after 4 hours and didn't make anymore progress. I was given another dose and the same symptoms continued. After another 4 hours they checked me again and I was now fully 0.5 cm and between 50-75% effaced. I was given a third dose and the cramping and contractions really picked up. Keaton was able to help me through them and we prayed that this was working. After about another 4 hours of laboring my doctor came in. At that point I was about 1 cm dilated. We were really hoping that the cytotec would take things further than it did. My cervix was softening and opening but at a slower pace.
My doctor then decided that we could try a Cooks catheter to help manually dilate my cervix. A Cooks catheter is similar to a foley catheter except it goes into the cervix. After it is inserted a balloon inside the cervix is filled with sterile fluid and another balloon on the outside of the cervix is also filled with fluid. The goal is that after a few hours the cervix will dilate to 3-4cm and the catheter will fall out. In order to work the catheter is hooked up to constant traction (pulled on).
Along with inserting the catheter they also inserted a dose of P Gel. This really escalated labor. The catheter was either pulled and clamped to the bed or to a strap around my leg to put constant tension on it. The contractions were very frequent and much more intense. It was extremely hard to get through the contractions but Keaton was there every step of the way. He coached me through every single contraction, just as the Bradley method had taught us. I focused on my breath and welcomed each contraction, as I knew each one was working to help open my cervix and bring my baby out. Our hope was that the catheter would fall out before I reached the 12 hour mark but that didn't happen. It stayed put for 12 long hours!
After it was removed, I was pleasantly surprised to find that I was around 3.5cm dilated. At this point they started pitocin. They constantly increased it until my contractions were about 3 minutes apart. These contractions were very consistent and lasted much longer. I remember just focusing on my breath. In for 4 seconds out for 6. It would usually peak on my 3rd breath and I would tell myself it was almost over and I then you get a little break. After sometime they started to peak on the 3rd or 4th and instead of easing up right away they would stay up there for a few breaths before easing up. These contractions were exhausting but we were remaining calm and collected. At some point during all of this a resident doctor came in to introduce herself. She looked at Keaton and said oh sorry I didn't realize she was sleeping. He then responded with, "She's not, she is working through a contraction." She was very impressed by the calmness and relaxation in the room, especially since I was induced and had no pain medications. So like I said, I highly recommend the Bradley Method.
The pitocin was going for about 4 hours when my doctor came in to check me and hopefully break my water. I was looking forward to this. I never wanted my water manually ruptured but the payoff would be that we could possibly stop the pitocin and let nature take over. When the membranes rupture there is a release of natural oxytocin, which is the natural form of pitocin. I felt hopeful that after that we could stop all of the other interventions and finally get to have the natural birth we were dreaming of.
Well as you know, things didn't go as planned. When my doctor checked me she did not feel a head. The nurse grabbed the ultrasound machine and sure enough, our sweet, stubborn little boy had flipped breech. I was absolutely devastated. I placed my hands over my face and just began to sob. I was frustrated, exhausted, and felt completely defeated. The entire room was still and the disappointment was on everyone's face. My doctor was wonderful. She supported my decision to do all of this with no pain medication. She complimented my will power, and mental toughness through all of this. She stood behind my decisions and I truly feel that she was looking out for me and my baby 100%. She was so upset about this too. Especially since I told her the entire time, I do not want a c-section. Now we were faced with 2 options. Option 1 was to do a C-section. Option 2 was to do external manipulation to turn the baby head down. Option 1 came with the usual risks of a C-section. Option 2 came with much scarier risks. Since I was on pitocin and had been in labor for 32 hours my uterus had already been doing a lot of work. It was constantly contracting and working hard to get the baby out. In order to flip the baby they would have to give me a medication that would relax the uterus. I also had an anterior placenta, meaning that my placenta attached to the front of my uterus. Along with these factors, Ollie was also completely breech (head up), meaning we would have to flip him much further than if he was transverse (side lying). I could tell while my doctor was explaining this option that she was not comfortable with this plan. She explained that there was a very high chance that I would hemorrhage. She stated that the baby would most likely be fine but her biggest concern was that she would not be able to stop my bleeding. She was very concerned about this risk and told us that she did not like or feel very comfortable about this option. The goal at the end of all of this is to have a healthy mom and baby and option 2 had the a high probability of us not reaching that goal.
We decided to proceed with the C-section. My doctor gave us about 3.5 hours before we were going to have it done. Those 3.5 hours were the longest of my entire labor. At that point I had lost all focus. I felt so defeated and had a hard time relaxing. The contractions didn't stop. They continued just as intense as they were before even though they turned the pitocin off. My doctor and I agreed that they would check his placement again before going back for the C-section and again before they started the procedure. I spent that 3.5 hours doing everything I could to flip this baby. I kept telling myself, "I had done it before, I could do it again." The limited time, plus the contractions made it impossible to get him to flip. It was much harder to fully relax my abdomen when the contractions were so frequent. I did my best to stay positive and be optimistic.
The time passed and when she returned he was still breech and it was time to go. I headed into the OR with my nurse and as I walked down the hall to the OR I felt like I was doing the walk of shame. The entire staff was very encouraging and stayed positive. Once I got to the OR I just felt numb (even without the anesthesia). They gave me the spinal and laid me back on the table. I could not stop the tears from flowing. Keaton was not there with me at this point. I felt so vulnerable, scared, and alone even though I was surrounded by some very supportive staff. Thank goodness for our pediatrician. She came over to my head, sat with me, held my hand, and allowed me to be an emotional mess. They checked the ultrasound one last time, and he was still breech. They started the C-section and the pediatrician sat with me until they let Keaton come in. It was all very quick but it felt like forever. Then they finally said he's here! He started to cry right away and every bit of disappointment and fear was gone. They dropped the curtain so we could see him and my heart felt full again. My baby boy, the little boy I dreamed of was here and perfect!
They took him to the pediatrician so she could do a quick exam of him and Keaton went to be with him. It was not the first moment I dreamed of. I didn't get to hold my baby right away. My hands were not one of the first to touch him.Keaton did't get to cut the umbilical cord. All these things I wished for and there I was strapped to a table watching from afar. It seemed like forever but I know it was just minutes. They said he looked perfect and asked if I wanted him placed on my chest. This is all I wanted!! They placed him on my chest and everything felt right. He was so calm laying on my chest and at that moment nothing else mattered. We finally became a family of 3.
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